Michael Jackson's children: I too lost my father suddenly from a heart attack when I was age 11. Lessons on Grief & Lost Childhoods

I am now thinking of Michael Jackson's CHILDREN...

I too lost my father (heart attack) and big sister (road crash) suddenly, within a week, when I was age 11.

I hear reports that MJ's children are said to be coping well.

But bereaved children may just appear to be calm and coping on the surface. Numerous studies show, that's just how they commonly deal with grief. Consequently adults just assume that they're OK.

Children can deny their own feelings as a survival mechanism, and for the sake of adults around them. But sadly, they can feel isolated and abandoned inside, and bottling up their feelings can create a real problem throughout life.

I for one, went numb at the time when I was 11, and tried to act all grown up, but the child's tears spilled out years later in a dramatic way, and after a life of workaholism! Childhood loss and the trauma of abandonment runs deep.

I trust MJ's children will get all the emotional support needed at this time and not suppress their feelings trying to be strong. Grief needs to be expressed sooner or later.

What they don't want is a "lost childhood", repeating their father's cycle.

The fact they're surrounded by a tight-nit loving family like I had can make all the difference.

I find it so heart-warming to hear MJ recorded an array of secret songs to look after them long term.

They may not have Michael Jackson around to hold their hand through life anymore, but they were undoubtedly, and still are, incredibly loved by their father, just like I was. Unconditionally. And it is this love that they can hold on to.

Resources on childhood bereavement:

*CHARITY: Winston's Wish (www.winstonswish.org.uk)

*BOOK: "Without You" Children and Young People Growing up with loss and its Effects" by Tamar Granot.

Copyright 2009. Myfanwy Marshall

Lessons in love & kindness from Michael Jackson

An overdue fan letter to Michael Jackson & more

Michael Jackson was my very first ‘crush’ who made my heart pound at age thirteen, in the 80’s. He was my first flutter of ‘love’ and attraction (which explains my later love life!). And I share his birthday - 29th August. So I’ve always felt a special affinity to him from afar. Besides loving all his music, I ‘got’ his gentle, sensitive spirit. In fact, I related to him on many emotional levels.

I’m sad that he’s taken from us, but rather than looking at the tragedy of his life cut short, I’ve been playing his music and celebrating him, focusing on what his soul was about and imagining how wondrously joyful and liberated he must feel right now...

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I was looking forward to his new comeback, but like his music, I believe, his SOUL LIVES ON.

He was light on his feet, and now, as a ‘light body’ I believe his spirit is flying free, dancing amongst all the angels.

Finally at peace, embraced by heavenly unconditional love, safe and accepted for his pure, kind heart and soul.

I imagine him magically soaring though the heavens like the Peter Pan figure he so loved, giggling and beaming that big cheeky grin, sprinkling his luminous stardust across the skies.

Dancing on air, on a much bigger stage, where the only reality is LOVE.

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While driving home in London Thurs night, one minute I heard callers and DJ’s on the radio spitefully suggesting MJ’s ‘cardiac arrest’ must be a manipulative publicity stunt. So I changed stations. Then minutes later, there were rumours of his death. I hoped that this was the publicity stunt.

Before I knew it, I was up till dawn watching the sad truth unfold on CNN and SKY.

Perhaps being so condemned and hurt in this lifetime, literally broke his heart. How was he ever going to ‘dance his heart out’ again if it was so broken; worn down by unthinkable accusations, persecution and ridicule, being misunderstood, exploited and pressured by greed? Others were so quick to judge and accuse. And so quick to overlook his message of love and kindness.

His friends say he had such a softness, tenderness and generosity and that he felt on the same level as children; playful & innocent. He was trusting and open, and showed his vulnerability, but sadly this was used against him. In his interviews he said he found it all so hurtful. Maybe all the trauma led to some ‘disconnect’ and ‘soul loss’. His brother Tito had commented “there’s something missing in his soul”. There is actually a belief that trauma can cause us to literally step out of our bodies as a kind of protection and survival mechanism, and lose a part of our soul.  But it can be 'healed'. Shamanic healers such as Alberto Villoldo for example,  claim they can help to retrieve it: http://www.thefourwinds.com/about-alberto-villoldo.php)

‘Stuck’ in childhood from both his emotional wounds and seeking out the wonder and magic of an idyllic childhood, I for one always believed Michael just wanted to make others - especially children - feel safe and loved, just as he yearned for himself. I believe he was just ‘pure innocence’ in every way. I wish that I’d sent him a fan letter of support saying this to him while he was alive - during his darkest, most isolated times (every single vote counts). But I guess he gets the message now!

All the nasty ‘attacks’ directed at him, including in his unhappy childhood, perhaps contributed to him turning all that pain inwards, like a ‘self harmer’ who absorbs and believes a bully’s harsh comments and takes it out on themselves (so psychologists say). There’s only so much a person can take of other people’s nastiness- especially when they’re a gentle sensitive soul who don’t have aggressiveness in their nature. MJ was strong to endure the pain as long as he did. And it seems he took on the world’s pain too, with tunes like ‘Earth Song’.

I ‘get’ how he could not relate to the darkness and unkindness in the world. No wonder he retreated into a fantasy world and childlike comforts like animals. I do the same. I think there’s a real need to keep the child inside alive, and protected.

MJ was also about really CHANGING THE WORLD...

To me, his most meaningful legacy is: ‘WE ARE THE WORLD’ & ‘HEAL THE WORLD make it a better place - lets start giving’, which always touched me and inspired me.

Through his music, he sang a universal language, uniting the world, and he sang his heart out about injustices he experienced and those he saw around the planet. What a legacy.

As a kid I tried to follow his footsteps with the moonwalk, then I wanted to follow his footsteps as a humanitarian.

I hope that his “HEAL THE WORLD FOUNDATION” will find international support in his memory and find funding from booming sales of his music. (

http://www.healtheworld.us/members/htw). Surely this organisation, and all his fans, myself included, can pick up his beacon of light and continue to spread the love!

I’ve found myself not as tearful as I’d have expected, instead, dancing all weekend to his music – his tunes always make me feel so alive and lift my spirits. I will think of MJ smiling so beautifully and a shining light in ‘Rock with you’, ‘Can’t Stop Till you Get Enough’ and from the Thriller album. Pure energy, radiance and soul expression.

I was so moved by him, and because he was my one special ‘icon’ I was finally motivated to post my feelings and pay a tribute. Trying to follow his example; I decided to speak up from the heart, without fear.

I wish his grieving loved ones all the comfort in the world….And I hope the MEDIA will please stop being so shamefully cruel and destructive. They focused so much on what MJ did to himself, but do they ever look at what damage they did to him? Isn’t it time for some human compassion instead of assuming the worst? Some people are just simply CARING, and don’t have an agenda or selfish motivations. Some people can just give love in its purest form. I wish the media could help pull us together, instead of pull us apart.

At the end of the day, it’s just the human heart, and the soul that count.

As well as a brilliant entertainer, MJ was a GENTLE SOUL, A MESSENGER OF LOVE AND LIGHT for sure, yearning for ‘heaven on earth’. My wish is that we can all embrace his message and his legacy. For me, his words light the way: ‘The world just needs more love’. And I think that goes for gentleness and kindness too…. Thank you Michael Jackson for all the inspiration, and being an example of living from the heart and soul. Your magic will never fade. May your SUPER – STAR light up our skies forever.

MM x

Copyright 2009. Myfanwy Marshall

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This Oprah clip shows a very grounded Michael Jackson...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LBE0igKrnI4